Wednesday, October 27, 2010

On coming to terms with...aging...




This past weekend I have an unveiling of a portrait which a talented painter and friend Richard McWhannell painted of me.

It was a lovely occasion, held at the home of my friends, Tim and Steph.


In the 'poem' below there are two

references which might need explaining. "Bess" is my mother. And the "frolicsome poof" refers to Oliver Messel who designed the scarf which I draped over the portrait. It was a coronation scarf dating from 1953.


I dedicate this blog to other 'debutantes of disaster'....







On Sitting for a portrait @ 60




As a child I always hungered

for the portraits of ancestors.

Reading English books

this was what your walls wore.


It made you original

to have an original.


Lacking these devices

as an author and filmmaker

I set out to create a family of images


surrounding myself with living ghosts

feeling at home

in the whare of faces.


So

it seemed

when I was harpooned

captured by the hook of time

I came face to face

with what was missing:

a portrait of me.


2.

There is vanity

in thinking an image of self

matters


but no Dorian Grey,

at sixty I can claim

only a register of fissures

faultlines and an iron seam called endurance.



În this sense

this portrait is

a port I have already left behind


embarking

on the new old adventure

down

a corridor of faces

each one shedding

as I move forward

passing a younger self along the way.


3.

Which brings me to this moment now

its lovely presience.


Surrounded as I am

with faces I have seen

like my own

grow more into themselves


and lose the mask of youth

in which we hid

our secret selves


so tender and unformed

needing the dark to grow


till this late stage

when we emerge


with the hardiness of survivors

alert to disasters

which we chronicled

by simply outliving them




debutantes of debacle

scorners of fates which did not fit


like clothes we dropped off

at a charity shop


secretly praying

we won’t have to come back


and find ourselves on the rack

unable to afford


clothes we can no longer

actually

even fit


I salute you

kind friends

who walked into this changing room

awaiting the...reveal...


4.


So I come to this

veiled portrait.


I sat

during the making of it

somewhat sad

as my beloved Bess

had momentarily lost herself.


I took advantage of the

opportunity of sitting silent

greedily

like a damaged blackbird

repairing himself

by simply nestling in the rain

welcoming its warm wet

flicking off the drops from

my outspread wings.


Richard painted away

squinting frowning

hemming puffing

as he climbed up the slope of

self.


All I had to do

was sit there


and allow my physical self

some egress


under the protection

of his skill.


5.


So now I

it

he

the thing

which duplicates a self

sits here veiled


fittingly in a lovely old scarf

borrowed from Doug

the capturer of butterfly shells


a scarf

done by a frolicsome poof

to celebrate

a young queen’s outing


now almost lost to time.


6.

So

with a twitch

I will dislodge

this self

which I thank Richard for

and our kind hosts

dear friends

Steph and Tim

for allowing me this space

and


with the time immemorial words

beloved of magicians



I set this self

which will live longer than myself....

free....


pooff!