Friday, November 12, 2010

the death of a cat..






On Thursday my cat Flounce died. I should say, I had her ‘put to sleep’. This caused me great grief. Her kidneys failed - she was sick for two days - then dead.


At the moment I am writing through my feelings. This below was the beginning.


Bereft.



farewell to flounce the magnificent

found in a hedge

feline and mad

desperate for a home

a bowl of food

i fed her sardines

it was all i had


her weight on my knees

as she slept

occasionally shivering

as a gust of terror

swept down her backbone


then she woke up

glanced into me

yawned


settled down to the

long dream of life

with a pouf.


...


every instinct

catered for with abandon.

such conversations!

insights! secrets we shared

such as I would never risk

with a mere human


so what if occasionally

she lost the plot

attacked.


even as I unhooked her claws

from my flesh

she felt shame

glanced back

to assess the damage


then approached with caution

awaiting her treats


...


the desert bowl

was hers every night

to lick out


she calibrated the tap

of spoon on plate

to the last scrape


sitting up picture perfect

awaiting the camera.


...


so now she lies

in her dark silent box

under the earth


the rose we planted on her

waiting to press its roots

through her bones


gather her up into the air

and open out as flowers

of memory.



2


they say as with lovers

do you have a pattern

in your abandonment?


are you always

treated the same?


dumped the same?

after a furiosa of love.


of course there’s no sex

but that’s a relief


instead the

beautiful confidentiality

of two animals

sharing

not exactly a language

but a sort of tangential space

outside of our shape


such longing and luscious

tremeloes of love

lost now


i am the one evicted

from grace.


3.


fuck the design of the universe

which made cat’s kidneys

carry such defects.




4 comments:

  1. Ah, Peter, your words resonate so well with our household, after recently losing our dear Smooch the same way - I emphatically endorse part 3!

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